| and you won't find me singin' this song when i'm gone |
[Thursday
February 16th, 2006 at 6:01pm] |
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mood |
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 blank |
] |
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music |
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phil |
] |
First off, I do want to thank everyone for their concerns and wishes.
With my head still spinning from the accident, I've been hit with a couple additional blows... some immediately concerning my own wellbeing and some relating to external issues with friends. I've been rendered close to helpless, and I don't think I have the means to pick myself up and heal on my own this time.
For now I am relying mostly on those closest to me to see me through. Sometimes things fall apart. It happens to everyone.
What I'm trying to say is I'm taking a break from livejournal for awhile. Not to diminish the seriousness of anyone else's issues, but right now with what's going on, I personally don't feel right publicizing my problems on this site. I would only be asking for meaningless attention in doing so. I will be back, I couldn't stay away forever- and I'll check up on you all frequently, so don't delete me.
Right now I have the people that I really need within reach. They are the ones I will be looking to throughout this little phase.
Anyone who reads this and wants to keep in touch with me, please do. I could use as many friends as possible. I would love to recieve emails or talk with any of you one on one.
email- shes_so_unuuusual@hotmail.com
aim- "strings of souls."
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| can't stop now, and it just seems like a dream. |
[Wednesday
February 15th, 2006 at 1:20pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
] |
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music |
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warrant |
] |
Well, ok, let's see... yesterday probably the most turbulant Valentine's day I've ever experienced. I'm not sure how to explain it or if I even can. It's all somewhat blurred.
I'll start out by saying this. The previous night, Chris and I were in bed about to fall asleep and suddenly my heart sunk. Chris said I jumped a little bit and my eyes widened, and when he asked me what was wrong I said "I don't know. I just got this terrible feeling that something bad's going to happen."
We got into a car accident on the way home from work last night. For the most part everyone's alright. The driver of the other car was taken to the hospital and Chris injured his hand a little. My face got all fucked up. The visor mirror smashed and cut my forehead, and when the airbag hit it tore/burned a bunch of skin off the front of my face. I'll heal up ok though. But it does hurt. The whole thing fucked with my mind most of all. I think I temporarily went crazy. I was sitting in the car having all kinds of flashbacks of things that I don't even think happened to me. I was trying to place meaningless memories in time, and I couldn't make sense of anything. I couldn't even remember my social security number when the cop asked for it.
I'm not sure about the condition of my car. I can't even remember where it was towed to.
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[Sunday
February 12th, 2006 at 11:41pm] |
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mood |
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 epic |
] |
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music |
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into eternity |
] |
Well now.. that last entry was courtesy of mr. Andy Panties, and yes, we are getting crunked. By which I mean drunk. On beer. And whatever alcohol is left in this little apartment.
I'm wondering whether or not me getting wasted will be good for this sickness that's been afflicting me as of late. But to be honest I don't really care. I've got one cigarette left in my pack and a forty plus three additional beers in my system, some good friends, and music. It's all worth it, really.
Talked to my lovely Vanessa this evening which put me in unusually high spirits to begin with... drank a few... drunk dialed my MOM, and have been foolish ever since.
I slept well last night and woke up so satisfied that I cleaned the apartment. Not only did I wash the dishes... I actually picked up the entire kitchen. If you know me, you know that's saying a lot. What an accomplishment. I feel accomplished. I also remembered to take my birth controll. I feel exceptionally responsible today.
Lets see now.... Reasons why I'm happy: 1) being with good friends 2) having a nice chit-chat session with Jess 3) hearing from Vanessa! 4) drinkin' beers 5) today off 6) kisses 7) marloboro lights. That's all I can think of at the present time which doesn't necesserily mean there's a lot more, but I'm out for the night.
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[Sunday
February 12th, 2006 at 11:26pm] |
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hey this is mr.panties updatingfor miss emily. me, chris and eily are etting crunked right. pretty sweet huh? andy is horny and needssome slut o suck hi off or fuck him. any takers? so yea, eily will be posting later on...peace
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| ordinarily i wouldn't call you because i don't like you |
[Sunday
February 12th, 2006 at 2:18am] |
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mood |
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 sick |
] |
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music |
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tv & computer noises |
] |
Work on Thursday was absolutely dreadful because I was experiencing a lot of cold symptoms and my voice was on its way out. But I worked through my shift and went home and woke up Friday morning feeling twice as miserable. In retrospect, taking that day off was probably a bad call on my part. I did go to the doctor for some antibiotics, but instead of using the rest of the day to sleep and recover I ended up driving an hour and a half to Bangor for a show at Husson, driving all the way back to Belgrade, drinking 7 shots and a beer at 3 in the morning and waking up for work at 11 wishing I was dead! On top of that, I haven't taken any pills yet.
Good thing I have tomorrow off.
Why do guys message me on myspace asking me if I'm single? Because if they've even glanced at my profile they would clearly see that I am not. I mean seriously, my boyfriend's picture appears on there in at least three different places. Not to mention that under my "about me" section, one of the two sentances (because if you need an internet profile to get to know me then you can get an idea of my personality in only two sentances) is "I love Chris."
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| i proved it to your record player and your lawn mower. |
[Wednesday
February 8th, 2006 at 12:28am] |
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mood |
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 jdhfrshfgf |
] |
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music |
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ykuyf |
] |
I ruined almost all of February 7, 2006. It being half an hour into February 8, I actually don't think the first half of today will prove to be much better. I can only hope for a turnaround when I wake up again at noon.
I'm thinking about leaving tonight. Waiting til Chris is asleep and then driving off to a graveyard or some place peaceful. I'm a little down on myself. Something tells me my thoughts won't settle unless I'm alone.
I wish my mind was as colorful as it used to be. It all started fading out with the red in my hair.
I need to experience something groundbreaking.
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| 8 bitches on a bitch boat |
[Saturday
February 4th, 2006 at 12:48am] |
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mood |
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 stoned |
] |
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music |
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tv |
] |
I'm sucking out at work lately. This week has been rocky. On the plus side, I got paid today.
The band's playing a show in Mass tonight. So I'm lonely again.
( I told you my entries suck )
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| keep folding your arms |
[Tuesday
January 31st, 2006 at 12:27am] |
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mood |
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 thirsty |
] |
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music |
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lctr + extra bass |
] |
I'm not sure how many people still read this journal. I wouldn't blame anyone for abandoning it or cutting me because the entries have become vague and repetitive and the reading material just sucks. But I like to pretend I'm interesting and that I have an audience so I'm going to keep writing. I mean, let's not kid ourselves here, nobody posts in a livejournal for their own personal soul searching-- we write for other people to read. That's that.
Eli is coming to visit hopefully in March which means (hopefully) Vanessa will be here too. That means my two best friends from high school meet my new life and everyone in it. That's pretty exciting. Especially since Vanessa is my best friend and she hasn't even met Chris yet. And we've been together for over nine months. Jesus.
Chris is getting his computer this coming weekend so we spent some time in addition to the planned apartment-douching that took place tonight to pick up/rearrange our room in order to accomodate a super gaming computer. It's pretty much going to be the centerpiece of the room.
I put some Christmas lights up in our room tonight. I had to move the tv off the desk so the computer could sit there. So my tv is now stacked on top of the old broken tv which is on the floor. That would be pretty trashy if I hadn't draped a pillow case over the broken one. Good thinking, right?
Anyway, the atmosphere of the room in pretty sweet right now with the Christmas lights and Chris next to me practicing along to the three lctr songs that showed up on my computer after AJ borrowed it last night. Fast fingers.
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| this is my sitcom with a science fiction horror twist |
[Tuesday
January 24th, 2006 at 10:27pm] |
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mood |
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stoned |
] |
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music |
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athf |
] |
I suppose it's about time for another update.
Things haven't gotten better or worse since the last time I wrote. Which was probably actually only a few days ago. But no matter.
Not going to work seemed like a lot better idea yesterday, when I stayed home and slept. As opposed to today, when I actually DID go in, and remembered that missing a day during the week means coming in an extra day on the weekend. Balls.
Chris is sick, so we are having a night of no to video games and yes to resting and a goodnight's sleep. I don't know yet how soon I'll be able to fall asleep. It's relatively early for me.
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| pitch that chicken |
[Friday
January 20th, 2006 at 10:46pm] |
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mood |
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stoned |
] |
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music |
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souds of everything |
] |
There were some important things I thought of to record here in this livejournal. I thought of them at work while I was daydreaming. I wish I could remember what was so important.
I lit my thumbnail on fire again today.
In a conversation earlier, I wanted to say "motivation" but I couldn't think of the word for it.
Chris has gone through three packs of gum this evening. He's sitting at the computer with his headset on, surrounnded by chewed-up gum and Big Red wrappers. It's because he chews a piece of gum til it's lost the initial flavor, spits it out, and starts another one. I do the same thing.
Yesterday we decided that I'd been spending too much time in the last two weeks watching marathons of Fear and Loathing back to back. So we got some new movies.
I've been eating a lot at night. I should maybe stop that habit. It's a cycle that I've developed, really. I wake up five minutes before work, then I until 9:00 when I get home. And I usually get stoned first. Then I feel like I'm starving.
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| i'm ready to go anywhere, i'm ready for to fade |
[Tuesday
January 17th, 2006 at 12:00am] |
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mood |
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 lonely |
] |
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music |
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bob dylan |
] |
I doubt I'll write much sense tonight. I don't know. I'm hazy.
Tonight I'm alone in this little apartment. Chris & AJ are out of state playing a show. I have nothing but the computer to keep me company.
Although I'm fully capable of going about my everyday schedule on my own it was strange and awkward doing it today without Chris. It's not necessarily a negative feeling, but it's something I can't get used to in less than 24 hours. It's good practice for me though, I suppose. When the band goes back out on tour is when I'll really have to deal with it. It is however comforting to know that I -do- have friends around here besides the band. People are bound to be around here one way or another.
Work was intensely boring and somewhat irritating. But entertaining at the same time. I depend on my co-workers to keep me amused. My boss is a prick though. One day he will make me cry. I'm sure of it.
The power went out so I had an extended lunch break.
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| there's a little white duck sitting in the water |
[Sunday
January 15th, 2006 at 7:45pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
] |
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music |
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chris doing molten core |
] |
This morning wasn't as bad as expected. I slept til about noon and played some WoW. Good lord. Chris went to band practice and brought me back cigarettes and ginger ale.
I'm still not sure whether or not I have work tomorrow. Chris has a show in Conneticut tomorrow night so I'd just as soon not work and spend the day/night in Winterport so I don't have to be here alone.
Tom deleted Last Chance to Reason's myspace because showing nipple is not OK.
I just remembered how much beer I still have in my trunk. AJ bought me a forty to start on and then we ended up buying two 18 packs to bring to the party last night. I also mixed all the vodka we had left with cranberry juice and finished that.
Yesterday was good weather and good vibes for a party. I want to be surrounded by friends most of all.
And since I seem to be at a loss for words right now (I started this entry at 7:45, it's now 8:50), I'll get to what I initially came here for...
( pictures )
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| stay away from me is cliche |
[Sunday
January 15th, 2006 at 1:42am] |
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mood |
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 beer and stuff |
] |
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music |
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the fan |
] |
I'm making bagels and cream cheese for everyone tonight and I'm drunk and I feel pretty good.
I'm satisfied with the way tonight turned out. I witnessed some puking situations. Did a few shots. Drank a few beers. Took some candids. Photos may or may not be posted in a few days if not tomorrow.
I wish Vanessa could have been here tonight. I talked to her prior to getting wasted and I feel like a little part of me is missing whenever I'm having a god time and my best friend isn't there by my side. But that's how it is, growing up, huh?
I had the pleasure of drunk dialing Eli tonight as well.
Chris and I had a bonus day off today due to our call center being flooded by the ridiculous rain which raped the streets of Augusta all day. I'm glad. I was in no mood to work. Plus, I've made enough money this week to get me through and more. Best of all, I have tomorrow off as well. So I can sleep through the hangover I'm destined to have.
I am in love with Christopher John Corey. He is amazing. ---Emily.
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| she's my bloody tit |
[Friday
January 13th, 2006 at 1:31am] |
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mood |
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whatever |
] |
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music |
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absence of the sun does pink floyd |
] |
PIE
I made a lot of money today. I didn't want to go into work but I made $120 in my 8 hours and that makes up for some of my lost enthusiasm I guess. I did the pot&shots combo so I think sleeping won't be an issue for me tonight. I like this halfway stoned halfway drunk almost asleep lazy drone sitting on the flip 'n fuck typing in my livejournal.
It's going to take me awhile to settle into this job. As ridiculous as it may sound I really miss Target. But at the same time I know I make at least twice as much now as I made there. Adjustment, that's all it is.
My N key is still effed.
In the last week I've watched Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas at least twice through with each of the commentaries and a few times with the normal script as well. I fall asleep to it.
I like pot because it makes food taste 11 times better. I like booze because it makes smoking feel 11 times better.
Last night my dreams ran wild. I had three dreams that I can remember all concerning past friends/events/life in general. And I was talking in my sleep.
ALSO I washed the dishes. And made muffins.
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| Trapped within the circle time parade of changes |
[Tuesday
January 10th, 2006 at 3:25am] |
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mood |
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 curious |
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music |
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fear |
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"I've been feeling slightly cabin-feverish lately. The weather's been messy and I'm still sick so the past few days I've sort of been stuck here to deal with my own boredom.
I woke up early for a change today. Maybe that's what I needed for a chage in spirit, because I was pretty content to be on my own most of the day. "
----Emily Gower. January 10, 2005.
The title for this entry is the same title I used for that entry. Old livejournals. And how I've changed. To see a more extensive collection of my thoughts in early 2005, I once upon a time had a different livejournal. Apple's shortcomings of early 2005, take your pick.
I haven't much else on my mind besides some Phil Ochs and a dull ache in the brain.
Shortly I will sleep. Shortly.
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| it's a reflection of you |
[Monday
January 9th, 2006 at 3:21am] |
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mood |
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restless |
] |
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music |
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depp |
] |
I woke up today after dark. It always cofuses me wakig up after sunset. So I went back to sleep. When I really got up out of bed I had already slept the entire day away, and I was hungry so we went to Walmart for pizza and ice cream and ginger ale. Now I feel sick.
I don't know what to make of this day. My definition of Time is always changing. I'm watching Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas with commentaries. I can't identify Johnny Depp's accent.
The "N" key on my laptop fell off earlier. I reattatched it but it hasn't been working properly since then.
Hopefully I'll sleep a few more hours before work. I've worked two full days at my new job. It's too soon to tell if it's something I'll end up keeping, but I did make $110 on Saturday.
I haven't been to a circus in a long time.
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| that girl is not allowed in my house without $20 admission |
[Thursday
January 5th, 2006 at 3:09am] |
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mood |
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carlo yeah. |
] |
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music |
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incubus |
] |
"I was drivin' though and I wanted to hear some Pig Destroyer."
"Yeah he just wanted to get in your pants"
We finished off the wine. Plus some vodka. We feel pretty good. I tell
you what. Me & Jess! And that's Jess with an exclamation point. I
think it turned out to be a pretty good night to tell the truth.
So here's the thing. I'm slightly drunk. Not gonna lie (julie). I
thought I would be alone tonight while Chris played WoW, but Jess came
over to DRINK drink with me and I was excited for that. So all in all,
we finished off what was left of then burgundy.
"eat some fuckin' cheese alright?"
And I love drunk updates. And I'm feeling vaguely (by which I mean
intensely) reminicent of college.. I'm adjusting to living here and I'm
in love with Chris. And holy shit are we having a conversatinon about
ex's right fucking now. I'm in no shape to write now.
As it is, every other word I have to delete cause I'm too drunk to spell.
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| I've got karma to collect |
[Tuesday
January 3rd, 2006 at 10:09pm] |
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mood |
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 content |
] |
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music |
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chris's dreamtheater in the other room |
] |
I was remembering, today, when I was sixteen, and every Tuesday I would go to group therepy where my friend Megan, who was nineteen, would supply me with my week's worth of cigarettes. Either before or after group started she and I would run across the street to the Irving and I'd give her $11 and she'd pick me up the three-pack deal. Three packs of Marlboros for $11. What the hell. I bought one pack today for $6. Goddammit that's depressing.
I must have been thinking about cigarettes a lot today because I also came up with the idea of fast food restaurants selling cigarettes at drive-throughs. Why not? The food is enough to kill you anyway. and Americans are all about convenience. I think it would be a big hit.
Alright, here's the informative update. I'm here in Augusta, calling this place home. I'm supposed to start work tomorrow although I'm not sure if I'll actually be working since I have to fill out my tax info and paperwork and such. Hopefully I'll get some training in. I saw two accidents driving in Bangor today and a plane flew over me on the exit off 95. Also, I missed my regular turn out of Newburgh that I take every fucking time I drive out here... AND not only did I miss the turn, but I drove seven fucking miles before I realized I was almost in Carmel.
I win at life.
A lot of alcohol was consumed on December 31st 2005/January 1st 2006 in this little apartment. And oh God did we have a time. People puked, passed out, broke down, got laid.... I accomplished one out of the four, not surprisingly though because if nothing else I expected to at least have some sweet sex on New Years. I also met a new friend & am highly excited to have a cool chick that I can chill with around these parts.
And... I'll save the rest of the details for another entry.... Either that, or I'll just forget and never write them at all. In anycase, here are some pictures of drunk people.
( a bunch of pictures, and we all look lovely )
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| spades |
[Sunday
January 1st, 2006 at 1:57am] |
| [ |
mood |
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good. |
] |
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music |
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electric, unplugged |
] |
- everyone in the world is a slut. except for andy cayer.
- i am moderately drunk
- i am in love with chris
- happy new year
- crazy bitches geeking out on the floor
- pictures coming soon
- it was in your boobs the whole time
and there you have it. i....am....happy.
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